The other day on my way from a show, I texted a girlfriend who’s in the fashion industry asking her why she thought I felt weird during fashion week. Yes, it’s the beginning of the school year for my tiny crew, so things are a bit hectic, but it’s not that. It wasn’t this particular day, but a day I was wearing floral pedal-pushers and a cream off-the-shoulder top. I felt good. But off. A slight disconnect from the happenings at home, what I was wearing, where I was going, and the business that was happening in my emails. Being amongst kid-less 20 something women and those entering their mid-forties (with kids) felt odd that day. She pointed out a clear fact: 29 is weird. And when you add kids and fashion to the mix, well, the water (aka feelings) flow back and forth.
For the longest time, I thought I knew who I was perceived to be by others. And there’s a huge part of me that found ground in that. My style allowed me to accept or object that in my own head. And now, at a time when the way I seem to be can change from one person’s perspective’s to another’s, I’ve been settling into not knowing. Quite possibly, not caring. I mean, I have always championed being confident. But the weird door in the back of my head that often uncovered how others clearly saw me, can no longer exist in this new phase of life. Now that that flows as often as I do, or as frequently as new people enter my world through my words, I’m holding on to a me that is okay with the unknown. It is okay with what is perceived and isn’t and what I may not know.
In short, I am letting go of control.
I’m not sure what control has to do with purple and yellow, but damnit, there it is. In the city after a Kate Spade New York show.
I think, what I am trying to tell myself is this, keep going to the scary places. Let go. Thank you for all of your support and love, messages and comments about Woman Of Color. I love you!
If you’d like to re-create my look, here’s how: