One of my favorite things about being a mother these days is how much I learn on a daily basis. Each time I tell someone I have a 7 year old, they usually respond with, “So you’ve been at this for a while already!” And while that may be true, I feel like so much is new. I’ am always learning…
This past year I’ve learned a lot about transitions, and how to guide my children through them with love and stability, however small or large they may be. Some nights, I would sit in bed and couldn’t believe I was in charge of making sure two little people felt truly heard and cared for. I would find myself talking myself up, “You’re the adult, LaTonya. You’re the mom.” Or, I’d text a friend who has older children and would ask for a word or two of encouragement.
My therapist, my friends and I agreed, it’s always good to openly talk with your kids. Kids need (and deserve) language around their feelings and circumstances.
If you’re interested, my conversation rules are:
1. Make it simple, but smart.
2. Don’t cry, but don’t be afraid to show emotions.
3. There’s always room for questions and more questions.
4. Re-adress and re-affirm as often as they’d like.
4. You’re the parent. Don’t forget that.
It seems, once we take away the idea that kids aren’t capable of conversations, we kind of give them more agency over their feelings and their place in a transition. Any tips of your own?
Why wouldn't I cry when showing my emotion? Talking about just shedding a tear? Just asking as I'm open to these emotions and physical expressions of sadness with my 2 when absolutely necessary. Just asking as I'm not sure if this is right or wrong in others eyes but mine 😢
Hi Sabena!
I cry a lot, so I totally understand your concern! but I personally feel that crying in a time I need to be a parent (the stable, and open one), obstructs my children's ability to cry if they need to to me. I truly believe in giving people "space" to show their emotions. So while I am not opposed to showing emotions (its good for kids to know there are various levels of feelings), crying at a time when children may need to cry, feels like it enter's their safe space and time to, if they felt they could in front of you. The good thing: kids are reslient, and every parent has their own way. I do not think there is a wrong or right way in anything. Just some ways I like to approach conversations..
xo
Reply to Sabena,
I agree that at times it's perfectly fine to cry on front of kids, but to do so during a time when they may be feeling vulnerable and when they need you to be the strong and steady one may not be the best time. Crying in front of your kids at these times puts your emotions on them and they may feel responsible to make you happy. Of course, that may not be true at every time and there are different types of tears, you know, so that's when you use your mom intuition, cause you know you and your kids best. But those are just my thoughts. 🙂
Thank you for sharing, Kayla!