When I lost a baby years ago (before I got pregnant with Oak), I fell down an end-less rabbit hole of private Facebook groups researching support. My case was specific, and yet, it felt like it really wasn’t. Loss screamed off the screen in anonymous forums, in many different states, in long and exhausting, heartbreaking (and triumphant) stories. I became one of those anonymous women.
Soon after we lost the baby, I started calling another anonymous source a few times a week; I found the healing that I’d been longing. But it took too long to find that connection, and never lasted long enough. But even with the time constraints, there wasn’t an influx of information overwhelming my mind during our calls, there was just me and this woman, connected on a static call on a dark corner in Brooklyn.
Over the years, I’ve found myself asking the same questions regarding child loss; Why was it so disconnected from the accepted weight of pregnancy, and later, birth? One directly aligns with the other, and yet, once you lose a child it feels as though you lose an entire community along with the loss of your child. And truth be told, whether you birth a baby or lose a baby, you’re life takes on an entirely new shape. That’s a thread that can not be argued, and is widely experienced and rarely discussed.
Loom’s founders, Erica Chidi Cohen and Quinn Lundberg, founded the inclusive community for reasons and experiences just like mine. ” LOOM exists to support everyone no matter where they are at on their journey without shame or judgement. We need community and education provided in a way that feels warm and subjective — igniting curiosity and empathy rather than criticism and alienation.” says Loom’s CEO and doula, Erica Chidi Cohen.
While there is so much work to be done, Loom’s birth in a time and place where non-birth outcomes live only as singular experiences discussed on dark corners on anonymous calls or anonymous forums, feels like an overdue and necessary addition for women.
(Last two photos of Loom photographed by Morgan Pansing)