While away on vacation, I realized that Peter and I could talk about pretty much anything without interruption. There were certain moments when I felt myself stumbling over my own words as I tried to explain things to him. But it wasn’t just things that I wanted to tell him long ago and held on to, it was just anything that popped in my head at any given moment. When we left the children, my filter kind of stayed behind. With it, we saw the potential in the most mundane conversations. Just for a moment, imagine the potential when we aren’t pushing them into the late evening, early morning, or forcibly, on a two hour date where we both swear we won’t talk about the children–then we fail.
While I can’t change much, I do want to make more of an effort to simply talk during my journey in motherhood. It has always been a personal goal to not answer “How are you?” with “Tired.”(It feels like an answer that often describes my days when I’m trying to balance it all as a mother.)
When asked and asking how someone is, I want to ask and answer those very important questions, without children on the tongue. We are so much more than mothers, and it feels like our conversations should be a reflection of that.
Any thoughts?
I absolutely agree and try to do the same thing. Working from home, my children are the first thing that comes to mind. Even when they are not here, I still see them everywhere and my day is usually planned based on their schedules.
While replying "tired" is honest, it certainly doesn't do anything to help along a conversation.
Thank you for your post!
Just take it one conversation at a time, my dear.
I feel this. I was in a co-op for artistic moms where we eventually had to enforce a "no kid-talk" rule in the studio space. We constantly struggled to talk about ourselves instead of our children. It was a good practice in exploring our interests and identities outside of parenting… and comforting to know we were working on it together.
On a side note, I'm so glad I found your blog and Instagram!
I have been there, but I feel I am finding a better balance with it these days. I have lost the pressure I put on myself to keep kids out of my conversation, but as they are older(ish) – starting elementary school – I have found time for hobbies and personal growth that allows me to have other things to talk about.
Similarly, but different – as much as I love photography, and a well done image, I cannot bring myself to put photos of my kids around the house much. As a stay at home mom, I am with the A LOT. I don't need to be reminded of them the few times I am alone. Is this just me, or does anyone else feel this way? And I assume this will change as we age.
Hi Shauna, exactly. After I say it, I'm like, well, that's not all! That's not all. But it devalues everything else we feel and are doing etc.
Hi Ashley,
That's so amazing! I'm sure it's given all of you some time to explore other amazing things about one another.
xo
Hey Julie!
Ha, that makes total sense. I mean, over-stimulation is real. I only have one large image in the main space of River. But the other images are in their rooms. Whatever works!
And I am so happy to hear you've found other hobbies etc. I do believe their time as little one is so small, so it is a small window where they take up your entire universe. But when they start to become more independent, I think it's great to find your own thing as well.
XO