Motherhood Right Now: To Remember

No one told me that there would be tough days, not in the tantrum kind of way, but in the way that your heart remains too heavy for your children. Tough in the way that you feel it difficult to breathe. Tough in the very unique way that in an instant, you can’t phantom them grown and wild–jumping turnstiles and skipping class– and then you can. The tough is inaudible, it isn’t physical, yet it manifests nonetheless.

Last night Oak requested a cuddle, as he has done almost every night this week. I squeezed my body close to his, jotting notes in my brain, saving them for later. For when I blink. For when he’s grown.

-His feet curled across my thigh, his big toe wiggling on my skin.

-In between sipping he would come up from his sippy cup for air, and his breath smelled of sweet milk and strawberry toothpaste.

-His hair stuck straight through the hand-worked floor bed. A few wasps of curls covering his stork bite.

-His palm ran warm and felt small in mine. Still only large enough to grab a few of my fingers. Lightly, he patted my forehead, then my nose, my cheek, and finished on my chin.

– He would close his eyes, then open them wide with a smile accompanying. His newest smile tucks his bottom lip and puckers his top, exposing his large and glorious smile. His eyelashes curled to his lid, and a silent and high-pitched laugh would erupt from his mouth; a failed attempt to keep quiet for his snoozing sister.

0 thoughts on “Motherhood Right Now: To Remember

  • Reply Mami Dearest October 28, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    The time goes by so fast. CHERISH IT! Take it from a Momma, who lost her oldest son at 19 – too young to die, and has sons of 26, 17 and 14. I remember being in the trenches when they were little, wishing they would grow up. I would give anything to go back to those times.

  • Reply LaTonya Yvette October 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    I'm so so very sorry about your son. My sister lost one of her best friends when she was having her baby at 20 and then we recently lost my brother's best friend who was only 33. I am totally feeling that slip of time and taking it all in. Can't help but want to etch every little thing about him and her in my brain. Thank you for leaving a comment, and wishing you well.


  • Reply ALIN November 10, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    This made me tear up. I totally get it, and have those days and moments with my daughter even more frequently now that I am expecting my second child. Afraid I won´t be able to share and see her world the same way when I have a little baby to take care of. Finding comfort in your words and ability to express motherhood with so much love and sensitivity.

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