I’ve always taken a particular kind of pride in being able to meld my days of motherhood and work. Meetings, children, styling, playdates, bedtime routines, and then emails. It makes me feel as though I am being present in their core years, while also helping with the obvious needs of a family of four living in New York City. Now that Oak is in pre-school a few days a week, I’ve realized that I can not recall much when he was one. I know that I was busy. I know that they were busy. Most of all, I know that they were loved. It is comparable to that feeling one feels as they’re navigating the early stages of the breastfeeding world; confusion rooted in that deep stomach ache of love. I feel as though I remember more of his 0-12 month stage then his 12-24 month stage, isn’t that fascinating? Maybe it’s because he became more of a child; less needy, less wrapped in my my own habitat. Whatever it was, there is this calm and security that set in a little after this realization. I feel secure in what I did and gave, that is a wonderful gift.
I thought about this last night while watching the debate–pins and needles, barely a drinker- downing a cider or two, crackers nibbled to the core, stomach thrown to my chest. Hillary’s words often bit off by his own lack of knowledge and overwhelming toxic ego, she still spoke. She was secure in what she did do and failed to do, and the work she’s put in. She was secure in her preparation; as a mother, a woman, and as a candidate. Aren’t so many of us mothers still fighting for the same? This inner voice to create and be, the digging and comparison of our own wealth of knowledge and history of those to our often louder male counterparts, while tapping in to this intuitive being that tells us to mother and be present?
We put in years upon years of work, and only if in one single moment in time we feel confident in what we are giving ourselves, our positions, and our art, we would all breathe a little easier. If only we had the world telling us we were to feel secure, that we mattered. If only our words led our little girls to podiums in front of millions as we changed the way history views women. If only is now.
Did you watch the debate last night?