I’ve long been a sucker for stories. Not just any stories, but real life, in depth, heart felt stories. And really, the subject could be about anything. But, if there is a story behind it, chances are you’ve got yourself a friend for life. I guess in many ways, that plays heavely into my friendship as an adult.
Naturally, when it comes to my natural hair and my transition I am often asked about it. Most of my friends, expect the normal LaTonya. The LaTonya who will keep you entertained with a story the entirety of your subway ride. Usually, every natural girl has a story. Some transitions have to do with being more in touch with your African roots, others have to do with accepting how you were made and loving and owning it. I didn’t. Up until now.
In the past I always referenced my change from permed hair to natural hair as something I just got up and did one day. I was tired of my hair. Tired of processing it and wanted a change. So I did it. Simple. But it wasn’t that simple. As I look back, it was then that I became the best kind of me.
Once I got old enough where I was technically “allowed’ to experiment with my hair, I did. I tried many variations of brown. But the one that stuck around the longest was a honey blonde dye, that I still adore. I began cutting my hair shortly after. It was always a step and repeat of cutting it and letting it grow just a tad bit. Until I realized I actually despised long hair on myself. I felt long hair put me in a box of limited style and limited possibilites. When my hair was short I felt brave, honest, and me.
Prior to marrying Peter I had my sides shaved bald and only a little hair in the middle. I liked this look until it started growing in. The growing stages of short hair is awkward and all you want to do is cut it all over again. Since my wedding was fast approaching I thought it was best to be safe and just do what I could with it. That meant coloring it and styling the new growth. A few days before my wedding I went in for my signature honey blonde and came out with a burnt red. She processed it twice and still failed. I was upset but did what any sane person could do about botched hair before their wedding day, suck it up. Shortly after my wedding I noticed that her processing also changed my hair texture drastically. It quickly became brittle and unattractive. I went to a few stylist after that and they all said the same thing. My hair was damaged.
Not one to shy away from cutting my hair, one day I booked a sitter for River while Peter was at work and I booked a salon appointment with one that seemed reasonably priced and had good reviews. With mild mannered excitement I asked that they cut all of my hair off. By now your probably like so what right? But for my community, you just don’t do those kind of things in haste. If you’re going to cut your hair it better be for a specific style. Not me. I knew I wanted to start from scratch. I wanted to experience what was given to me at birth as an adult.
“I want someone to chop my hair off.”
Your natural hair is gorgeous! I cut off my permed hair about 7 or 8 years ago and I have to admit it has taken me that long to embrace my natural curl. It seems like something that should be easy but when you are flooded with commercial images of long silky hair it's hard to love your short, kinky (often frizzy) hair. Just as soon as I learned to love my natural hair my daughter came of age that she started asking for her hair to be flat-ironed and made long and silky like "the other girls." I try to remind her every day that her hair is perfect just as it is but I am not sure I'm getting through to her quite yet. She'll get there, I'm sure.
One thing I've never experimented with is color; the color of your hair is exactly what I've always wanted but I've been scared to try it. Do you have a particular brand of color that you prefer? I have no idea where to even start.
It's a hard adjustment. I would say, it always help to hang around people who are enamored with natural hair. Who often see it as a rarity. It helps the transition and builds pride. And I was just like your daughter. My mom fought me, but I didn't have any friends with natural hair. Maybe have a play date with some natural hair kids? My daughter is mixed and has curly fine hair. But she hangs around a lot of other mixed kids. I hope it helps her with accepting her background in the future. I don't have a specific brand. And this coloring is quite old as I am pregnant and can't color. But I usually do it myself with the boxed brand. Look for the one with the black lady on the box. 😉 lol
Thanks, I think I know just the box you are talking about. I am pregnant as well so I will have to wait, but I'm excited to try it.
Could you post some pics of your big chop?
Your natural hair is just beautiful.
Beautifully written!
and your hair is gorgeous!
Hi Mechelle,
That's up on my list for next week!
xo
Thank you so much Sammy!
Sopie, that means a lot. thank you so much
xo
I recently went natural myself! My story is similar to yours; I was dead-set on having straight, relaxed hair but my hair wasn't having any of it anymore. I actually grew up having my hair relaxed, but in the last three years, both my mom and my sister went natural and my mom was encouraging me to do so.
I was a hair model for a salon and they finally helped me make the hard decision to sort of start from scratch. I hated it at first, but now I love it! Of course, I still wish it was longer than it is so that my curls would be more defined. But overall, I'm satisfied and it's nice to go back to my roots (literally and figuratively). Thanks for sharing!
-LesLeigh J.
I am still in the beginning stages of my natural hair journey. I am going on month 4 of no heat, which sounds like nothing, but four consecutive months is the longest I've left my hair curly since I was about 10 years old. I told myself that my natural hair journey will be one year of no heat. I want to push myself. I have thin, fine hair at an annoying length where it is too short to do much but too long to be considered short. I am still constantly trying to learn how to take care of it because my mother never taught me and never truly showed me what it meant to have curls. I am 21 and just now trying to discover how to even section my hair or rock second day hair and style it and find the right products. It is rewarding but so exhausting. My ends desperately need a trim, but I am dreading it because every time I cut my ends it's like all my growth progress just literally falls to the floor. For me, being natural means understanding my blackness and my womanhood. It means accepting myself and the person I am. It means not letting others profit off my insecurities and instead supporting brands that encourage my natural beauty. It is challenging to learn only through youtube videos and to only buy products when I can afford them. I have to buy conditioner about every three weeks, and then I'll see ads about split-ends serum and co-wash and leave-in conditioner and oils and masks and moisturizer and it all gets very confusing to know what you need, how often you need it, and where to begin. But by taking the time and making the effort to learn about my hair, I am also making the effort to learn about myself. And I love myself so much more natural than I ever did with straight hair.