This morning we said goodbye to Peter’s parents. It was more like a “see ya later” since they will be moving closer soon. This afternoon, I spoke with a friend in the park and unloaded what has been heavy on my heart. I’ve been in this way lately that I feel a particular feeling, but I really don’t know where the feeling is coming from. The old me would be able to find the source quickly and nip it in the bud, but not the new me. And really, somedays I wish I could say I was the same me. But, I’m not. There is something about just talking and unloading all of those words in your head. The words that make you analyze and analyze again, until you’ve come to the conclusion… there isn’t a conclusion.
Then it came to me, I have a blog, this is what it’s for right?
Well, yes. Yes it is. It’s for the words.
I was reading a blog post from another blogger last night and it really hit home. That with blogging, there’s this rhythm that you are “supposed” to follow, this drum beat that calls you in. And if you choose not to follow that beat, you can potentially defer the success of your blog. For a while there, I tried to follow that beat. I couldn’t. I can’t. Not on this blog, not in real life. There’s this popularity contest with blogging, and oh, does it remind me of high school. And well, if you’ve already guessed it, I sucked at high school. I have always done my own thing, lived on my own accord. I guess there is no deeper evidence of that then moving out of my mom’s house at 17. I have always been content with doing my own thing. I want so many things for this blog, but much more for myself and for my family. My man and my girl will always come first, always have. I don’t want to live just to blog, but to share as I am living this beautiful life I’ve been given in the good and the bad.
I guess what I am trying to say is I am done trying. This blog will mostly be just words, words that circle in my head, words that need a home somewhere safe, words that do not always make sense, words that are not overly thought out and contrived all for the sake of being popular. If I get there, thank you. If not, well, that’s fine too.
‘Cuz in the end, these are just words that circle in my head, that encompass all the parts of me. Words that I hope bring healing, happiness, and comfort.